If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
