Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
