My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
