I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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