I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just found puke in my bra..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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