remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
