So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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