I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
