I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
