every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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