maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
