I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
