Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
