Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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