Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
