I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
