Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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