my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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