No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
