matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
