Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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