So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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