PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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