either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
