There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
