I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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