I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just pee around me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
