Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
