dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
