My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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