I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
