I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
