I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
