If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
