i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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