I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
