Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
