Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
