I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Randomize
