you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
