just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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