I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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