If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
These tits shall not be calmed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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