Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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