Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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