Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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