Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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