Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
