my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I can text with my tongue
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
