Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
