I'm going to jail i love you
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
