I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
They took my balls.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
