3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
