One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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