Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
